


Simulation Soldier Shenanigans

by baggypantsman



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dialogue Heavy, Ensemble Cast, Gen, Humor, On Hiatus, Original Character(s), Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14789162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baggypantsman/pseuds/baggypantsman
Summary: All-OC cast being incompetent in Simulation Training Location "Valhalla." Inspired by the Blood Gulch Chronicles.Note: This fic is on hiatus.





	1. Everyday Life

Chapter 1: Everyday Life

In Simulation Training Location “Valhalla,” three soldiers stand on a hill overlooking the Blue base; one in crimson armor holding a sniper rifle, a mauve soldier to his left, and a girl in pink armor to his right. A violet soldier stands guard in front of the Blue base down below. Looking through the scope, Reid sets his sights on him.  
“Tackle,” he says. “I’ve got eyes on the purple one.”  
“Good,” the mauve soldier grunts. “Now take him out!”  
Reid sighs. “For the millionth time, we can’t just attack like that. We have to use caution or they’ll slaughter us.”  
“Not if we slaughter them first!”  
“Sir, Reid is right,” the pink soldier reaffirms. “Attacking now isn’t a good idea.”  
“Thanks for explaining, Brenda,” Tackle says. “What do you suggest?”  
Reid puts down the sniper rifle and turns to him. “What? She just restated what I said! And Tackle, I thought that I was your advisor.”  
“You are, but it’s always best to have a second opinion. Brenda?”  
“I think I should sneak down there for a closer look,” Brenda says. “Maybe I’ll snap some necks while I’m at it, ninja-style!”  
“Excellent plan!” Tackle exclaims. “Go right ahead.”  
“Brenda, your armor is pink,” Reid says flatly. “You’re not sneaking anywhere.”  
Tackle shrugs. “I already gave her the go ahead. Let Brenda do her job, all right?”  
“Thanks, Tackle!” she says happily.  
“Why am I even here?” Reid mutters under his breath as Brenda creeps down the hill.  
Tackle turns to him. “Hey, Reid, we probably don’t need you up here anymore. Why don’t you head back to the base?”  
“With pleasure, sir.”

Meanwhile, a soldier in sapphire armor runs around frantically inside the Blue base.  
“Where is it? Where is it?!”  
An aqua soldier runs inside. “Where is what, Evans?”  
“My bottle of aspirin… I left it on my nightstand before I went to bed, but now it’s gone!”  
“Do you want me to help you look for it, sir?”  
“There’s no point in trying, Carbon,” Evans says gravely. “The Reds must have taken it. They snuck into our base and took it from right under our noses!”  
“Sir, wait-”  
“I know what they’ll do next,” Evans continues. “They’ll sneak back into the base and put my aspirin somewhere where I’ll find it, but it’ll be laced with poison! Or when I open the bottle, it‘ll release a deadly gas that‘ll knock us out within minutes! Those Reds are so cunning… damn them!”  
“Sir-”  
“You know what, they might not even bother. They might just plant a fucking bomb under my bed. That’ll do me in.”  
“Evans!” Carbon shouts. “Everything is fine, you’re not gonna die. I’m sure you just misplaced your aspirin.”  
“You don’t know that, Carbon!”  
“I also doubt the Reds could sneak into our base in the first place. Wilson is a hell of a watchdog.”  
Evans gasps. “You don’t think… it was Wilson?!”  
“Shit,” Carbon mutters. “No, sir, I don’t think Wilson had anything to do with it.”  
“You can’t trust the quiet ones, Carbon. If they never talk, you’ll never know their true intentions.” Evans starts mumbling, “I can‘t believe he would try to kill me so soon after his last attempt, that mute son of a bitch…”  
“Wait a second,” Carbon interrupts him. “Isn’t that your aspirin over there?”  
A pill bottle lies on the floor next to Evans’s nightstand.  
“Oh, thank God!” Evans runs over and picks it up. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Carbon.”  
“No problem, sir.”  
A violet soldier enters the room. “Excuse me, Evans. I have been watching the enemy team observe us for the past ten minutes. I believe they are under the impression that I cannot see them. The girl is currently attempting to stealthily approach our base.”  
“Holy crap, Wilson, I forgot you could talk,” Carbon says.  
Wilson stares at him blankly.  
Evans waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t listen to him, Carbon. You shouldn’t trust a single word that comes out of that guy’s mouth… or any words from anyone‘s mouth, for that matter. Anyone besides me, that is.”  
Carbon sighs. “Whatever you say, sir.”


	2. First Impressions

A Pelican ship lands at the Red base and drops off a soldier in standard-issue red armor. He sizes the place up.  
“All right, so I need to find Sergeant Tackle…” Rapid mutters to himself.  
He enters the base and looks around, but there‘s no one to be found.  
“Hello?” Rapid calls out. “Is there anyone here?”  
He goes outside and does a lap around the base, but still doesn’t find anyone.  
“Huh. Maybe they’re on a mission or something,” Rapid thinks. It isn’t long before he begins to feel the anxiety of future social interaction welling up within him…  
“Screw this, the army sucks, I’m taking this base for myself. Finders keepers, losers weepers!”  
Feigning confidence has always helped him in the past, so why not now? Rapid heads to the top of the base and sits on the edge of the roof. “Fuck, I‘m so nervous,” he whispers to himself. “I just need to get in character…”  
Rapid lies on his back and zones out, trying to lose himself in the mindset of a cocky prick. A few minutes later, he is drawn from his thoughts by the sound of someone approaching. Sitting up, he sees a soldier in crimson armor standing below him in front of the base.  
“Who the hell are you?” Reid asks.  
Rapid hesitates then clears his throat. “I should be asking you that, this is my base.”  
“Uh, no. It’s my base.”  
“Yeah? I didn’t see your name on it.”  
“Don’t be stupid. I’ll ask again, who are you?”  
Rapid stands and looks down at Reid. “My name is Rapid. I found this base unoccupied, so I have commandeered it for myself. Now, would you kindly get off of my property? I don‘t want to have to-”  
Reid draws his pistol and shoots Rapid in the shin.  
“Ow, fuck!” He falls off the roof and crumples into a heap on the ground.  
As Reid approaches him, Rapid starts waving his arms wildly. “No, wait, I surrender! I’m sorry, don’t kill me!”  
“Why shouldn’t I?” Reid growls, taking aim at Rapid’s head.  
“I’m sorry they just sent me here and there was no one around so I took over the base but then you showed up and I don’t wanna fucking die please don’t-”  
“Wait, shut up,” Reid says. “Someone sent you here… are you a _rookie?”_  
Rapid stifles a sob. “Yeah.”  
“No wonder you’re so pathetic.” Reid thinks for a moment. “Anyway, I’m the leader of Red Team, so welcome aboard.”  
“Oh… you’re Sergeant Tackle?”  
“No, my name is Reid. Tackle is an incompetent idiot, which makes him and his sidekick Brenda a perfect match. He doesn’t fucking listen to me whenever she’s around, even though I’m _supposed_ to be his advisor! He ignores me, listens to her repeat what I say, and praises her genius intellect! If I wasn’t around to tell Tackle how terrible his ideas are - oh, I’m sorry - if Brenda didn’t take the fucking words out of my mouth and feed them to Tackle, everyone here would be dead. He didn’t even tell me we were getting a goddamn rookie! To answer your question, no, I’m not the sergeant, but I am the leader of Red Team.”  
Reid takes a breath and falls silent.  
“…Where’s the sergeant?” Rapid asks.  
Reid takes a few seconds to compose himself. “You know what… I’m glad I was able to get all that off my chest, so I’ll forgive you for that question. You don’t need to see Tackle. I’m the leader of Red Team, remember?”  
“But he’s still the sergeant… won’t he get mad at you for shooting me?”  
Reid does a double take. “Oh, right. I shot you. I’ll go get the med-kit.”  
Rapid groans as Reid enters the base. “I hate meeting new people.”

Tackle watches Brenda as she quietly makes her way down the hill toward the Blue base. It occurs to him that he should have taken Reid’s sniper rifle; he won’t be able to help Brenda much without it. Her pink armor does make her stand out against the grass on the hill, though, so Tackle should still be able keep her in his sights.  
Brenda crouches behind a rock and peeks over the top. “No Blues here,” she murmurs. Brenda sneaks closer, rushing from cover to cover. Outside the Blue base, she hides behind a tree. The violet soldier stands guard by the entrance.  
“If I climbed this tree, I would have a great view,” Brenda thinks. “Maybe I could even get the drop on someone, snap their neck in a midair attack!”  
Once the thought is in her mind, she can’t be stopped. Brenda wraps her arms around the tree and starts shimmying up. She reaches a branch and is able to perch near the top with an overhead view of the Blue base. Brenda looks around and notices that something is different…something is missing. A shot rings out and pain flairs in her back. Brenda loses her balance and falls out of the tree, landing hard on her right arm.  
“Son of a bitch!” she shrieks.  
“Son of a bitch!” Tackle shouts. He had watched helplessly as Wilson crept around the side of Brenda’s tree while she was climbing it.  
Wilson kicks Brenda’s gun away and stands over her with his own at the ready. He gestures for her to get up and go inside the base.  
Brenda groans and sits up. “What, aren’t you gonna say something? Or are you the strong, silent type?”  
Wilson pulls the trigger and a bullet zips by her ear.  
“Eep! Fine, I‘m going!” She struggles to her feet and shuffles into the Blue base while Wilson holds her at gunpoint. Meanwhile, Tackle rushes back to Red base.

Inside the Blue base, Wilson runs into Carbon while leading Brenda.  
“I heard shots,” Carbon says. “Is that the girl you mentioned?”  
Wilson nods.  
“This guy actually talks?” Brenda asks. “I haven’t gotten a word out of him.”  
“Before today, I honestly can’t remember the last time he said anything,” Carbon replies. “Also, shut up, Red.”  
“Did somebody say Red?!” Evans charges into the room, sees Brenda and Wilson, and starts shaking.  
“Uh, sir, are you alright?” Carbon asks.  
“It can’t be…” Evans takes a step back. “Wilson has recruited a secret agent to eliminate me in yet another premeditated attempt on my life!” He takes another step back. “Not only that, but a _Red_ secret agent!”  
“No, sir, Wilson took her prisoner,” Carbon explains.  
“It doesn’t make a difference,” Evans says angrily. “She could very well be a sleeper agent planted at Red base with the express goal of finding me and killing me for good.”  
“That kind of is what I try do, but I’m no agent,” Brenda says. “I’m a ninja.”  
“No, shh!” Carbon shushes her, but it’s too late.  
“I knew it!” Evans tosses his hands into the air and starts stomping around the room. “Everyone calls me crazy, but I’ve known the truth all along - I can’t trust _anyone!_ They promise peace, but greet you with guns! They’ll stab you in the back if you give them an inch! But this one,” he points at Brenda damningly, “she’s dropped all pretenses! She isn’t playing the fucking game! She outright admitted that she came to kill me like it was nothing! It‘s over, it‘s all over, they‘ll come for me, they‘ll come for me and I‘ll die, and there‘s not a damn thing I can do about it…” Evans trails off, sounding on the verge of tears.  
Brenda stares at him. Before she can say anything, Wilson nudges her and subtly shakes his head. After a moment, Evans sullenly exits the room.  
“Yeah, maybe I should’ve said something,” Carbon says to Brenda. “Evans can be a bit…paranoid.”  
She laughs. “Understatement of the year! No wonder your team sucks so much.”  
“Whatever. Just get in your cell.”


	3. Spirit of the Ninja

Reid and Rapid wait outside the base for Tackle to return. In the meantime, Reid figures that it would be smart to tell him about the other Reds before he got wrapped up in their bullshit.  
“Brenda has pink armor,” Reid says. “Despite that, she likes to pretend she’s a ninja.”  
“Really?” Rapid asks. “That’s weird.”  
“Tell me about it. I really am the only sane member of this team, yourself included.”  
“Hey!”  
“Don’t act like you’re in the clear, buddy. You were deployed to a new base and immediately tried to take it over.”  
Rapid gives a frustrated sigh. “You know what?… I get really nervous around people, so I make stuff up sometimes, okay? Fake it until you make it, and all that.”  
“Like I said,” Reid responds. “I’m the only sane person here.”  
“You’re just jealous because you can‘t act.”  
Before the crimson soldier can snap at him, the two of them see Tackle approaching.  
Reid steps forward. “Tackle, why the hell didn’t you say anything about a rookie?” he asks angrily.  
“Huh? Oh, yeah. It must’ve slipped my mind.”  
“It should‘ve been the first thing you did after getting the news from Command, _sir.”_  
“Reid, we have more important problems!” Tackle yells. “Brenda has been captured!”  
Reid stares at him expectantly for a few seconds. “…And? I told you that she wasn’t sneaking anywhere in that armor.”  
“We have to get her back! Rookie!” Tackle turns to Rapid. “You’ll be joining us.”  
“Yes, sir!”  
“Are you sure you want to bring him?” Reid asks. “He’s kind of pathetic.”  
Rapid coughs. “Excuse me? I can hold my own, thank you very much.”  
“Yeah? How’s that leg?”  
“Hey, hey, hey, he doesn’t need to know about that!”  
“Both of you, shut up,” Tackle orders. “We’ll need all the help we can get if we’re going to storm the enemy base.”  
“Wait, what?” Reid asks. “Tackle, sir, that’s not a good idea. We need to be careful about this. We should be stealthy.”  
“Uh-huh. Any thoughts, Brenda?”  
Rapid looks around. “Uh, do you mean me? My name is Rapid, sir.”  
“Ah, shit,” Tackle mutters. “No, Rookie, never mind. Could you say that again, Reid?”  
“Were you even listening to me?” he asks.  
“To be honest, no.”  
Reid sighs. “I said we shouldn’t just charge in. We should be stealthier.” Sensing that Tackle is doubting him, he dramatically pauses before adding: “…It’s what Brenda would have wanted.”  
Tackle stares at him. “You’re right. Reid, Rabid - get your shurikens, because it’s time to be ninjas.”

Outside the Blue base, a soldier in regulation blue comes up to Carbon. “Hello, sir. Are you Evans?”  
Carbon quickly scans the area; Wilson is standing guard by the door, no sign of Evans. He breathes a sigh of relief. “No, I’m Carbon. Who are you?”  
“My name is Shane. I was stationed here and told to report to Officer Evans. Do you know where he is?”  
Before responding, Carbon quickly ushers Shane away from the base. “Okay, Shane, before anything else, there’s something you need to know about Evans.”  
“What’s that?” he asks.  
Carbon explains hesitantly. “He’s very, uh, paranoid. Like, _really_ paranoid. If you just went over and said you were looking for him, he would assume you’re here to kill him.”  
“No shit?” Shane asks. “Why is he the sergeant, then?”  
“I don’t know,” Carbon replies. “He was already the sergeant when Command sent me here.”  
“He doesn’t sound fit to be the leader, if you ask me.”  
“Well, what can you do?” Carbon says. “Anyway, how about you let me go ask Evans about you before you introduce yourself?”  
“Sure,” Shane agrees. “I don’t want to go near him if he’s as crazy as you say.”  
“I’ll be right back.” Carbon enters the base and heads to Evans’s room. Inside, the Blue leader sits on his bed with his head in his hands.  
Evans looks up. “Hey, Carbon,” he greets him morosely. “What do you want?”  
Carbon is initially confused by Evans’s dark mood, but figures that his freak-out earlier had been over the top, even for him.  
“Uh, sir, did you know that a rookie was assigned to our base?”  
“Of course I know about that,” Evans sighs. “Command is my most trustworthy source of information, and I‘d be damned if I didn‘t pay them any mind.”  
“Right…” Carbon says. “Well, he’s here now.”  
“Is he? Go ahead and bring him in.”  
Carbon pauses. “…Is that it?”  
“What do you mean by that?” Evans asks.  
“Normally, wouldn’t you, I don’t know, be a little more suspicious?”  
“Carbon,” Evans begins. “After my suspicions were confirmed earlier today, I don’t have anything to be suspicious _of._ I already know that everyone is out to kill me, and I already know they’ll stop at nothing to do it. These are facts of life that I’ve had to come to terms with. So, I‘ve decided that nothing really matters. I’ll die sooner rather than later, so I may as well deal with whatever shit comes my way in the meantime. Bring in the rookie.” Evans delivers the final sentence as though he were asking for his executioner.  
Carbon stares, dumbfounded. “…Yes, sir.” He goes back outside.  
“So, is today the day I die?” Shane asks when Carbon returns.  
“Scratch what I said earlier. Evans had an epiphany or something. It should be safe to go in.”  
“If you say so,” Shane mutters as he goes inside.  
“Man,” Carbon says to Wilson. “Hasn‘t today been eventful? We took a prisoner, got a new rookie, and now Evans is calm for once…or at least, as calm as he’ll ever be.”  
Wilson looks at him, but doesn’t say anything.  
“Oh, yeah, and you spoke earlier. Why don’t you talk, again?” Carbon asks.  
Wilson stares.  
“I probably should’ve known better than to ask that.”

Evans sits in his room, waiting. Shane appears in the doorway and looks at him warily.  
“Um, hello, sir,” he says. “I’m Shane, I-”  
“I know who you are, Private,” Evans interrupts him. “The question is, why are you here?”  
“Why?…Because I was assigned to this base?”  
“Uh-huh.” Evans sounds unimpressed.  
“Because we need to beat the Reds,” Shane guesses.  
Evans sighs. “Better them than me, I suppose.” He stands up and stares at Shane who shifts uncomfortably. After a moment’s pause, the leader adds, “If you _are_ here to kill me, make it quick.”  
“What? No, sir, I’m not going to kill you!” Shane protests.  
“Whatever you say, Private. Come with me,” Evans says, but doesn’t move.  
“…Come with you where, sir?”  
“Go outside, Shane. There’s no way in hell I’m letting someone walk behind me.”  
Shane leaves the room and heads back outside by Carbon. Evans follows, his rifle aimed at the rookie's back. “It seems you already know Carbon,” he says. “He’ll show you around, introduce you to the others. Got it, Carbon?”  
“Yes, sir!” he salutes.  
“Good. I’ll be in my bunk.” Evans returns to the base.  
“So, did he freak out?” Carbon asks Shane. “I saw that he had you at gunpoint.”  
“He what?” Shane turns around, but Evans is already inside. “…Never mind. No, he didn’t freak out or anything. He did assume I was there to kill him like you said, but he seemed kind of…resigned, I guess. Like someone coming in at the start of a ten-hour shift.”  
“Huh. That’s not how he usually is,” Carbon says. “You’d probably _still_ be getting interrogated. Anyway, I’m not surprised that he just sent you to me. He tries to spend as little time as possible with other people.”  
“Again,” Shane says, “he sounds like an excellent leader.”  
“I suppose I’ll give you the grand tour, now.” Carbon points by the door. “That’s Wilson. He-wait, where’s Wilson?”  
The purple soldier isn’t in his usual spot. Looking around, Carbon can’t see him anywhere.  
“Hmm… He must have gone into the base. Let’s go find him.” Carbon goes inside.  
“Does he usually disappear on you?” Shane follows him.  
“No, he almost always stands guard right by the door.” Carbon whistles. “Here, Wilson! Here, boy!”  
“Carbon!” Evans yells from his room. “What have I told you about whistling? I was just about to jump into the panic bunker when I realized that it was you!”  
“Oh, sorry, sir!” Carbon calls out.  
“What was that about?” Shane asks.  
Carbon sighs. “There was an incident a while back where Evans thought my whistling was the sound of an incoming missile. Whistling has been banned ever since.”  
Shane snorts. “That’s ridiculous.”  
“I was just competing with Wilson to see who could hold the longest, loudest descending whistle.” Carbon says innocently.  
“Are you serious?”  
“No. Wilson doesn’t make any noises whatsoever.”

Carbon and Shane look around the base and eventually find Wilson by Brenda’s cell.  
“Hey, there you are!” Carbon says. “Didn’t you hear me calling for you?”  
Wilson looks at him, but doesn’t respond.  
“This guy was talking mad shit about your team,” Brenda speaks up. “He went on and on about how you all suck and he’s the only one with any real skill.”  
“Nice try, Red. He doesn’t talk,” Carbon retorts.  
“It’s probably true, anyway. He caught me, after all.”  
Wilson nods, but the Blues don’t notice.  
“Who’s this bitch?” Shane asks.  
“She’s a Red prisoner,” Carbon explains. “Wilson captured her earlier today.”  
“If you call me a bitch again, I’ll snap your neck,” Brenda threatens Shane.  
“I’d like to see you try, _bitch,”_ he says. “Good luck getting me through those bars.”  
Brenda snarls and reaches for Shane, but he backs away from her cell.  
Carbon pulls him aside and quietly talks to him. “Hey, you don’t need to go around making enemies… though she is technically your enemy.”  
Shane shrugs. “I’m just having fun.”  
“Damn, I almost forgot why I was here!” Carbon suddenly says before gesturing at the purple soldier. “Shane, this is Wilson. Say hi, Wilson!”  
The silent soldier nods at Shane.  
“Good boy.”  
“Shane, is it?” Brenda asks. “Do you want to live the rest of your life seeing everything at a 90-degree angle? Because that’s what’ll happen when I get out of this cell. I’m gonna make you my bitch.”  
“Sounds hot,” Shane quips. “I can’t wait.”  
She shakes her head in disgust and turns her back on the Blues. Carbon and Shane go back outside.  
“I guess that concludes the grand tour; there really isn’t anything else to see. You showed up at a good time, Shane,” Carbon says. “We’re probably going to attack the Reds soon since they‘re down a guy, so another soldier on our side will help us even more.”  
“You mean they’re down a bitch,” Shane corrects him.  
“I think you should let that go, dude. You don’t need a mortal enemy on your first day.”  
“What’s she gonna do, Carbon?” Shane scoffs. “Snap my neck from a hundred feet away?”  
“I don‘t know, maybe? Don’t fuck with ninjas.”


	4. Change in Plans

“This better work,” Reid whispers to himself as he creeps toward the Blue base.  
He had successfully convinced Tackle to take a stealthier approach to this mission, but in doing so, had doomed them all to a series of stupid, isolated deaths. The sergeant had insisted that everyone stay true to the “ninja spirit” and work alone. Reid still had permission to form the plan, but under such a crippling limitation, there wasn’t much he could have done. He opted to have the three of them close in on the Blue base from three sides; Tackle from the front, himself from the side, and Rapid from behind. While the other two distracted the Blues from opposite ends of the base, Reid would sneak inside and rescue Brenda. As much as the crimson soldier despises her, he knows that he is the only member of the team mentally capable of pulling off the extraction.   
“Hopefully Tackle will finally understand that recklessness is never the answer,” Reid thinks.  
“God damn it!” a voice cries out. Reid moves closer and sees the source, the sapphire soldier, addressing the purple one by the front of the base.  
Wilson turns to look at Evans.  
“I lost my fucking aspirin again,” the Blue leader grumbles. His voice takes on an accusatory tone. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you, Wilson?”  
Without warning, several shots hit the base all around the two of them. They immediately scatter, Wilson returning fire in the direction the attack came from.  
“What the-” Reid turns on his radio. “Tackle, what the hell are you doing?!”  
“Attacking!” he answers. “What does it look like?”  
“Suicide!”  
“Just get in there and find Brenda,” Tackle orders.  
“Damn it…” Reid hadn’t taken the sergeant’s idiocy into account. He looks around. The Blues are all going to be drawn to Tackle, so Rapid won’t have anything to do in his current position. Reid contacts him.  
“Rapid, Tackle is going rogue, so the plan has changed. Come meet up with me. We’ll go in together.”  
“Wait, sir,” he interrupts, “that goes against the ninja spirit.”  
“Fuck the ninja spirit! Just get over here!”  
A few moments later, Rapid appears next to Reid.  
“Also, ‘sir?’” Reid echoes. “It’s nice to know that you’re learning. Let‘s go.”

Inside the Blue base, Carbon lies on his bed with his arms behind his head. Shane stands over him.  
“Why not just go attack the Reds right now?” the rookie asks.  
“It’s Evans’s call,” Carbon replies. “All we have to do now is relax.”  
“Shouldn’t we capitalize on our advantage? Why are we waiting?”  
“You should be asking Evans those questions, not me. I’m just his right-hand man.” Carbon yawns. “I might take a nap. Wake me up when it’s time to go.”  
“You know,” Shane says, “I’m starting to think that bitch was right. This team _does_ suck.”  
They both jump at the sound of gunfire. Carbon leaps out of bed, picks up his gun, and rushes to the front of the base. Shane follows closely behind him. Standing in the entrance, they see Wilson taking cover behind a large rock and exchanging fire with someone hiding among the trees. Suddenly, Evans barges into the base.  
“Sir!” Carbon almost grabs him as he goes by, but realizes that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. “What’s going on?”  
“We’re under attack, what do you think?!” the leader yells. “Goddamn, how many times have people tried to kill me today?” He hurries past the duo and goes into his room.  
“What’s he doing?” Shane asks. “Shouldn’t he help us fight off the Reds?!”  
“You really do ask a lot of questions,” Carbon notes. “And yeah, it would be nice if he helped us, but standard combat protocol has him hide in his panic bunker until it’s safe to come out.”  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”  
“Do you think I would kid about something like that during battle?” Carbon counters. “Come on!” He runs out of the base and starts shooting, but Shane doesn’t follow him. Instead, the rookie turns around and rushes to Evans’s quarters.

“It’s totally unfair that the leader doesn’t support his men,” Shane thinks. “I need to talk some sense into him.” Stopping in the doorway, he carefully scans the room. Where could the panic bunker be hidden?  
After several seconds, a voice from under Evans’s bed startles him. “What are you doing here, Private? Get out there and fight the Reds!”  
Shane hesitates, not believing what he‘s hearing. “…Are you literally hiding under your bed?”  
“I’m in my panic bunker!” Evans exclaims. “I’m following protocol!”  
“Let me guess, this part of the protocol was your idea.”  
“Damn straight!” he affirms.  
Shane exhales heavily. “Officer Evans, to be honest, I think what you’re doing right now is despicable and cowardly. Why won’t you fight with your team?”  
The Blue leader’s head pokes out from under his bed. “Private Shane, I’m no coward. I simply know too much. I know it’s me they want out there, so I refuse to show myself. I may be resigned to my fate, but I won’t go down without a fight!”  
“But you’re not fighting. You’re hiding like a little kid.”  
“Wrong. I’m hiding like any intelligent adult would.”  
Shane groans, then pauses to regain his composure. “Okay, Evans. Tell me: do you really care about your team?”  
“Of course,” he says.  
“Well, it doesn’t seem to be the case from what I’ve seen so far. As the leader, you should be putting the team before yourself, not waiting out battles for your own sake. You said you were resigned to your fate; then go prove it, you wuss. Get out there and fight with your team. Fuck up those Reds! Make your soldiers proud to be fighting for you.”  
Evans stares at the rookie, then slowly crawls out from under the bed and stands up. “Private Shane, in all my time here at Outpost 17-A, no one has ever spoken to me so bluntly and with so little tact. However, I see your point. I really do care for the team, even that wildcard Wilson, and… I guess it’s about time I start breaking old habits.”  
“Now that’s more like it, sir!” Shane cheers. “Let’s beat the Reds!”  
“Yeah. Let’s go beat the Reds!”  
The two of them leave Evans’s room and head toward the front of the base when the Blue leader stops Shane. “Wait, I have a quick question - how do you use the sights on this thing, again?” he asks, raising his rifle. “And no, I won’t hand it to you. You’re not disarming me that easily.”  
The blue soldier tries not to let this bring his mood back down after successfully convincing Evans to join the fight, but it can’t be helped.


	5. Let's Make a Deal

Tackle rolls from behind one tree to another and lets loose a burst of bullets at Wilson‘s rock. The violet soldier ducks down and fires blindly, several shots embedding themselves in the Red leader’s new choice of cover.  
“Damn, this guy’s good,” Tackle mutters to himself. “We should capture him and have him fight for us.”  
Carbon peeks from around the corner of the base and delivers suppressing fire as Wilson reloads. “God damn it, where is Shane?” he wonders aloud.  
“Here I am!” Shane sprints out of the base and hides behind a tree. “Sorry about the wait, Carbon. I just had to take care of something.”  
“What? Whatever it was, don’t you think it could’ve waited? Responding to an attack should probably top your list of priorities.” Before the rookie can reply, someone else speaks up.  
“All right, men. Let’s finally put an end to the Reds constant attempts to murder me in my sleep!” Evans runs out and takes cover behind a tree of his own, being careful to ensure that no one is able to shoot him in the back, be it accidentally or intentionally.  
Carbon looks at Shane in disbelief. “Holy shit. How did you get him to come out?”  
“I just talked some sense into him,” he shrugs.  
“Right,” Carbon says incredulously. “I’m actually not sure how much help he’ll be. I can’t remember the last time he saw battle.”  
“I figured,” Shane sighs. “He asked me how to use the sights on his rifle.”  
“Well, it’s the thought that counts.”  
Tackle steals a look at the Blue base and realizes that it’s now four-against-one. “Shit. Oh, well. Nothing I can’t handle!” The sergeant opens fire and every Blues’ attention is focused on him.  
Evans sprays bullets wildly. He was unable to comprehend how the sights worked after Shane’s short tutorial, so he decided not to bother. The rookie was probably giving him misinformation anyway; possibly a series of instructions that would cause the rifle to implode. It’s better to stick with what you know works.  
“This is for everything you‘ve ever done, you fucking Reds!” he screams, his voice breaking with emotion. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?! Why can’t I have any peace?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!”  
“I just want my girl back!” Tackle calls out.  
Evans stops firing, breathing heavily. “…The secret agent ninja?”  
“Yeah, that’s the one!”  
“If we give her back, you’ll leave?” the Blue leader asks with a twinge of hope in his voice.  
“Immediately!” Tackle confirms.  
Evans raises his voice, “Everyone, cease fire! We‘re returning their soldier.”  
All three of the other Blues turn and stare at him.  
“Uh, sir? Are you sure you want to do that?” Carbon asks.  
“Yeah, that’s kinda… dumb.” Shane adds.  
“No, it isn’t,” Evans says. “Our prisoner is a spy; why would we ever want a spy in the base?! The Red guy also said that he’d leave if we gave her back. This is the best case scenario! Go get her, Wilson.”  
The violet soldier doesn’t move.  
“Wilson? Were you listening? I know you’re mute, but you’re not deaf.”  
Wilson visibly deflates, then slowly walks into the base, shaking his head.  
“This is fucking ridiculous!” Shane exclaims. “Why the hell would we give them their prisoner and get nothing in return?”  
“This is the smart thing to do,” Evans insists. “And we are getting something: the ability to rest easy knowing that an enemy spy no longer lives under our roof.”  
“I told you this wouldn’t work out,” Carbon whispers to Shane.  
Wilson returns with Brenda held at gunpoint. Upon seeing her, Tackle comes out into the open. “Brenda!”  
The pink soldier had immediately locked eyes with Shane, but turns at the sound of her leader‘s voice. “Tackle!” she cries. The two of them run towards each other and the sergeant embraces her in front of the Blue base.  
“Ow, careful!” Brenda yelps. “My arm is broken!”  
“Shit, sorry.”  
“Aww, this is sweet,” Carbon gushes. “Don’t you think?”  
Wilson pretends to wipe a tear from his eye.  
“Are you guys seriously letting him do this?!” Shane asks in disbelief.  
“Now, go on and get out of here, Reds!” the Blue leader yells at them. Tackle lets Brenda go and they quickly retreat.  
Exasperated, Shane storms back into the base. “I hate this team so fucking much.”  
“I don’t know what his problem is,” Carbon says. “I don’t mind returning to the status quo.”  
Evans looks at the aqua soldier. “What? That’s a bad thing. The status quo is when I panic because everyone is trying to kill me. This is the start of a new era; an era where I’ve accepted all the bullshit around me and strive to serve the team while I can. We’re never, ever going back to the status quo.”  
“I just meant we can go back to not actively fighting the Reds, but your response was reasonable, sir.”

Reid steps silently down a hallway. At a right turn, he presses himself up against the wall and peers around the corner; no Blues. He gestures for Rapid to follow him. The rookie, who had been hanging back with strict orders to “not fuck things up,” catches up to Reid.  
“Agent Reid,” Rapid says, deepening his voice, “where is the primary target? This was supposed to be an in-and-out operation!”  
“Shut the fuck up, Rookie.”  
“But we’re sneaking!” he enthuses normally. “Play the part!”  
“This isn’t a game, you idiot,” Reid retorts. “This is what I was referring to when I said you would fuck things up.”  
“I think it’s important to have fun no matter what you‘re doing.”  
The crimson soldier sighs. “If I could leave you here, I would.”  
Footsteps up ahead catch their attention and they fall silent. Peeking around the corner, Reid catches a glimpse of a soldier in regulation blue. It sounds like he’s talking to himself.  
“I can’t believe this,” Shane rants as he heads to his room. “What the fuck is wrong with these people? The CO is insane, Carbon just puts up with him, and the other guy… seems normal, but doesn’t talk.” He stops walking. “Christ. I tried to help by bringing Evans to the fight and he does the worst possible thing. Is this _my_ fault?”  
“Why doesn’t that one guy talk?” Rapid whispers. “The voice is a god-given gift.”  
“Shut up!” Reid snaps.  
Shane thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “No, it can’t be. Evans is the root of this team’s problems, and to fix things, you need to start at the root.” The blue soldier then continues walking, turning a different corner.  
“It kind of sounds like _he’s_ the dysfunctional member of the team,” Reid says. “Makes sense, because I’ve never seen him before today.”  
“Do you think he’s a rookie?” Rapid asks. “Finally, someone who knows the struggle!”  
“No shit, he’s a rookie. He seems crazy, though, so I‘d avoid him.”  
Reid makes sure the coast is clear, then quietly moves out into the open. At the end of the corridor, he spots what appears to be a room with a set of iron bars across it. He beckons for Rapid to follow, and the two of them rush to the cell. However, Reid is stunned to find it empty.  
“What the hell?” he breathes.  
“Maybe she’s in another cell,” Rapid guesses.  
“I wouldn’t count on it,” a voice says from behind them. The Reds turn around to see Shane, his rifle at the ready.  
“What?!” Rapid exclaims. “How did you know we were here?”  
“I heard the two of you bickering earlier, so I pretended to leave and hid down another hallway,” he explains smugly.  
“Son of a bitch…” Reid mutters.  
“Go ahead and get in the cell,” Shane says. “It should be open.”  
“What if we shot you instead?” The crimson soldier takes aim at Shane. After a moment, he nudges Rapid who readies his weapon, too. “There’s two of us and one of you. Barring my partner’s inadequacy, you’ll die if you shoot either of us.”  
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Shane says defiantly. “I wouldn’t mind dying if it meant not fighting for this team anymore.”  
“In that case, maybe you wouldn’t mind telling us where Brenda is?”  
“That bitch?” Shane asks. “Evans released her to get you guys off our backs.”  
Reid stares at him. “…Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”  
“Nope. See what my life is like?”  
Rapid speaks up. “That’s good for us, isn’t it? The mission was a success!”  
Reid has a great idea. “Hey, Blue, how about you take this guy as your prisoner?” He points at the red rookie.  
“Huh?!” Rapid gasps.  
“He’ll be out of my hair, you’ll look good to your team, _and_ you won’t die. It works out for everyone.”  
“What the hell, Reid?!”  
Shane considers this proposition. After a few seconds, he nods. “Deal.”  
Reid yanks the gun out of Rapid’s hands. “Sorry, kid, but don‘t say I didn‘t warn you. Next time, don’t be such an annoying prick.”  
The blue soldier opens the cell and Reid pushes the red rookie into it, slamming the door behind him.  
“No, please!” he cries as the lock clicks shut. “I promise I’ll stop being annoying! Just let me out!”  
His teammate leaves without looking back. Rapid curls up into a ball on the floor and starts rocking back and forth, babbling to himself.  
“Well,” Shane says, “looks like I might be able to convince the Blues to make me the leader without even killing Evans! Everything really did work out.”


	6. Communication Error

Tackle and Brenda talk while walking back to the Red base.  
“What the hell did they do to you?” Tackle asks, looking at her right arm which hangs limply by her side.  
“I broke my arm when I got shot and fell out of the tree,” Brenda explains. “That purple guy, Wilson? He was such a dick, he never even said anything to me.”  
“You know the names of the Blue soldiers? Excellent reconnaissance work, Brenda! Your mission was a success,” the sergeant praises her.  
“Thanks, Tackle!”  
“Did you gather any other information?”  
Brenda thinks for a moment, then snaps her fingers. “Oh, yeah, their CO is totally insane. He was all like ‘she’s a secret agent who’s come to kill me,’ and I was all like ‘I’m a ninja, not a secret agent,’ and he had a major freak-out. It was a little scary, actually.”  
“I don’t think he was too crazy,” Tackle says. “He let you go when I asked, and no one disobeys an order from me.”  
Brenda clutches her broken arm and looks at him. “About that… I’m really grateful that you came to rescue me.”  
“Huh? Oh, it was nothing,” he waves his hand dismissively. “Anything for my favorite pink ninja!”  
She giggles, but pauses as something occurs to her. “…Hey, Tackle, where’s Reid? I didn‘t see him anywhere.”  
“Oh, he’s just… shit.”

Shane goes back outside and approaches the rest of Blue Team. “Hey, guys,” he addresses Carbon and Wilson, “I’ve got something to show you. Follow me.”  
“Weren’t you just freaking out?” the aqua soldier asks. “You’re not gonna like, kill me or something, are you?”  
“No, of course not!” Shane snaps. “You sound like Evans.”  
The Blue leader immediately turns towards them. “I heard my name!”  
“Crap…” Shane mutters under his breath before continuing. “Anyway, yeah, there’s something you guys should see.”  
“Yeah?” Evans asks. “Let’s check it out, then.”  
The rookie groans. “Are you sure you want to come, Evans? Don’t you want to, I don’t know, keep watch to make sure the Reds don’t attack us again?”  
“But the Red guy said he wouldn’t come back,” Evans says confusedly. “That was the deal.”  
“He could totally come back. There’s nothing stopping him from coming back.” Shane can’t comprehend this logic. “I thought you didn’t trust anyone?!”  
“As part of my reformation, I will allow myself to put just one ounce of trust into others,” the leader explains.  
“But he’s the enemy!”  
“To be fair, I trust him only slightly more than I trust you.”  
“You know what, whatever,” Shane says, resigned. “Everyone, just follow me.”  
Carbon walks next to him and whispers, “Dude, for the future: don’t argue with Evans.”  
“Yeah, I got that.”  
Inside the base, Shane leads his teammates to the newly occupied cell where Rapid sits with his back to a wall.  
Evans gasps. “Who is that?!”  
Before Shane can reply, the prisoner stands up and clears his throat. “Hi, my name is Rapid, and I’m the Blue Team’s new recruit.”  
The Blues look at him in confusion.  
“You fucking - what?!” the blue rookie splutters.  
“What are you doing in there?” Evans asks.  
“No, no, Evans,” Shane speaks quickly, “I captured him, he-”  
Rapid keeps talking. “This guy, the rookie, he didn’t even hear me out! He just disarmed me and threw me in this cell! The nerve!”  
Evans turns to Shane. “Why would you do that?”  
“That’s what _I_ asked him!” the red soldier adds.  
“Are you - he’s fucking _Red!”_ Shane shouts. “How the hell do you believe him?!”  
“We went over this, Shane,” the Blue leader scolds. “Remember what I said about trust? I probably trust him more than I trust you right now.”  
“Wouldn’t Command tell you if we were getting another recruit?!”  
Evans pauses, then nods his head. “…You’re right.” He sizes up the red soldier. “He tried to fool me, but you all know by now how good I am at identifying deceit.”  
“W-What? No, I’m telling the truth!” Rapid assures him quickly.  
“No, he’s not,” Shane declares, regaining his composure after winning Evans over. _“I’m_ telling the truth: I captured him as he tried to sneak into the base, and he tried to trick you into thinking he was a new rookie.”  
“Nice work, Shane!” Evans approves. “You may gain my trust yet.”  
“No, wait!” Rapid grabs the iron bars of his cell. “Please, I won’t lie to you anymore! Don't leave me in here! I’m claustrophobic!”  
“Shut it, Red!” Carbon says, slapping the prisoner’s hands away. “As entertaining as it would be, we can’t let you out.”  
“That’s right,” Evans affirms. “Impersonating a Blue is an offense punishable by eternal imprisonment, which is the punishment you are enduring right now.”  
Rapid sinks to his knees, sobbing.  
“Man, this guy‘s kind of pathetic,” the aqua soldier remarks.  
Shane turns to the rest of the Blues. “So, how about that? Did I do pretty good, or what?”  
Wilson cocks his head at him.  
“What, are you fishing for compliments?” Carbon asks. “Evans already said ‘nice work, Shane.’ What else do you want? A parade?”  
The blue rookie hesitates, taken aback by this unexpected response. “No, I just… never mind. It’s nothing.” He heads back down the hallway and out of the base. This is strange. The others were surely impressed by his capture of the red soldier, right? Their reaction had been underwhelming, though. Shane had expected more… praise, or something. It seems that becoming the Blue leader will take longer than he had intended.

Reid eventually makes it back to Red base. Out front, he finds Tackle and Brenda waiting for him. The leader starts shifting uncomfortably as he comes closer.  
“Hello, Reid,” Tackle greets him awkwardly. “What is up?”  
“I think you know what’s up, Tackle,” the crimson soldier spits. “Your damsel-in-distress is standing right next to you, after all.”  
“Damsel in distress?” Brenda interrupts. “I was totally gonna snap some necks, but sadly, I didn’t have to.”  
“About that, the Blues gave her to me when I ordered them to,” Tackle explains.  
“So, I heard,” Reid grumbles. “Damn it, couldn’t you have at least told me that the mission was off?”  
The sergeant rubs the back of his head, embarrassed. “Sorry, I guess I was distracted.”  
“You’re a terrible leader, you know that?”  
“Hey! Leave him alone!” Brenda says defensively. She opens her mouth to continue, but gets cut off.  
“No, he needs to hear this.” Reid takes a deep breath. “Tackle, you are a terrible leader. You have never listened to a single thing I have ever said in my entire time here. Wait, let me rephrase that - you actually listen to me all the time, just through Brenda, but never _me_ directly. Good communication skills are important in a team, especially in the leader. So there’s one trait you don‘t have. Another thing: you’re too reckless. You always want to storm the Blue base, guns blazing. But that’s stupid! That’s how you die a wasteful death. The ability to strategize is another important part of leadership that you‘re missing. Finally, you’re a fucking idiot. I have no idea how you got the position of Commanding Officer, but clearly someone up above is _also_ a fucking idiot. The lack of any common sense whatsoever is what you suffer from the most. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know the reason why Rapid is dead: you are a terrible leader.”  
Silence.  
After several tense seconds, Tackle speaks. “Wait… Rabid is dead?”  
“Who’s that?” Brenda asks.  
“That’s right,” Reid responds to Tackle, “it was your ridiculous plan that got him killed. When you mindlessly attacked the Blues, he tried to come around and join the battle, but was shot by their new rookie.”  
“Damn. That’s a fuckin’ shame,” the sergeant says. After a few moments, he asks, “The Blues have a rookie?”  
Reid doesn’t mind that Tackle is oblivious to the utter deconstruction he had just been hit with; he hadn‘t expected anything to come of it and was mostly venting. Reid also doesn’t mind dropping the subject of Rapid so quickly. “Yup. He’s nuts, too. Definitely someone to watch out for.”  
“Seriously, who the hell is Rabbit?” Brenda asks. “What did I miss?”  
“We got a rookie after you were captured, but now he’s dead, so it doesn’t really matter,” Reid explains dismissively.  
“Well, damn,” she replies before looking up at the sky. “Rest in piece, Rabbit! I never knew you, but you had the most adorable name! May you frolic in the fields of heaven!”


	7. Confined

Inside the Red base, Reid finishes applying a brace to Brenda’s right arm as she lies in bed wearing only pink undergarments. Her armor is piled haphazardly in the corner. Brenda wipes her straight, brown hair from her blue eyes and watches the crimson soldier as he stands up straight.  
Reid looks down at her. “There, done. Are you feeling better?”  
She sits up and winces. “Not really.”  
“Oh, well. I’ve done all that I can. Good luck snapping anyone’s neck in the near future.”  
“Like this’ll stop me,” Brenda mutters.  
“Seriously, though, you can’t fight right now,” Reid insists. “You need to rest.”  
“Yeah, whatever, Doc,” she sighs, lying back down.  
Reid leaves her room and immediately runs into Tackle.  
“Is she gonna be all right?” the sergeant asks.  
“Her arm’s busted; I put a brace on it. She won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”  
“Damn… I hope she recovers quickly.”  
“I know you hate to see your sidekick injured, Tackle,” Reid says, “but the fact that we’re down two soldiers is also a pretty big deal. If the Blues attack, we‘re fucked.”  
The Red leader stares at him. “Private Reid, I know you don’t believe it, but I really do care about this army. Losing Rabid, for as short a time as I had known him, was still hard. And you, I’ll be honest, you’re our best soldier.” Reid looks at Tackle, surprised, as he continues, “But me and Brenda - we’ve been through a lot. We met back in basic, and haven’t left each other’s side since. It was only natural that Command sent us to the same base; we work best together. So forgive my bias, and just know that I care about _all_ of my soldiers.”  
“You tell him, Tackle!” Brenda’s voice calls out from her room.  
The crimson soldier is taken aback by the sergeant’s rebuttal. Reid didn’t know about Tackle’s prior history with Brenda; he had come from a different training facility. Not that it excuses the leader’s clear favoritism, but he can see it making sense in that idiot’s head. He also can’t help but be pleased about his skills finally being acknowledged.  
“Tackle,” Reid responds, “that might be the most sane thing I have ever heard you say. I guess I should apologize… sir.”  
“Damn right, you should apologize!” Tackle yells. “I fight off four Blues and you report back to me empty-handed? Your ass should be glad that the mission was a success.”  
“Wait, what?” Reid asks. “That’s both irrelevant and not why I was apologizing! The reason I was empty-handed is because the Blues were dumb enough to release Brenda when you asked!”  
“No, they released Brenda because I ordered-”  
“Whatever, I don’t care. I’m going outside.” Reid leaves the base.  
Tackle watches him go. He doesn’t like always being at odds with Reid, but the crimson soldier’s prowess is undeniable, so he lives with it. The sergeant thinks about Rabid. What was the last thing he said to him? Something about how it was time to be ninjas. Tackle gasps as he has an epiphany: the rookie died because he hadn’t stayed true to the ninja spirit! He had tried to assist his sergeant in fighting the Blues instead of working alone and ended up paying the ultimate price. The mauve soldier shakes his head. Rabid would have made a terrible ninja.  
Tackle looks at Brenda’s room. He takes a deep breath and steps inside where he sees her lying in bed, clad in her underwear, her right arm in a brace, and her eyes closed. They flutter open and find the sergeant.   
Brenda smiles. “Hi, Tackle. What’s up?”  
“I - uh - nothing,” he stammers. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”  
“Well, my arm hurts. Other than that, I’m good.”  
“Reid said you need to rest up.”  
“Yeah, I know,” Brenda says dejectedly. “This sucks, especially because I need to go make someone my bitch soon.”  
“Excuse me?” Tackle says.  
“Oh, yeah, I didn’t tell you!” she realizes. “The Blue Team’s new guy, Shane, is a real asshole. He called me a bitch to my face _twice_ and taunted me while I was locked up! I couldn’t even instill the fear of the ninja into him!”  
“What?!” Tackle exclaims. “I should kick this guy’s ass!”  
“We could go together!” Brenda says excitedly. “Make it a date!”  
“Huh?”  
“Just kidding.”  
“Oh, right. Ahaha…” Tackle awkwardly laughs it off.  
“But seriously, we need to fuck this guy up,” Brenda says, looking at the mauve soldier intently. “I just need my arm to heal.”  
“Will it heal by itself?” Tackle asks.  
“I don’t know, but I really hope so. I don‘t have enough money to pay Reid to look at it again.”

Rapid sits in his cell. How long has it been since his capture? Days? Weeks? He isn’t sure. He had passed out after his attempt at fooling the Blues failed. Whatever the case, it has definitely been a while. Rapid twiddles his thumbs and starts whistling.  
“Oh, shit!” someone cries out from down the hall. “Take cover!”  
“What was that about?” Rapid wonders.  
Carbon suddenly appears in front of his cell. “Hey, Red, stop whistling!”  
The rookie stops and looks at him questioningly.  
“There’s a rule against it here. Just letting you know.” The aqua soldier leaves.  
Rapid sighs. So one of his favorite tics is forbidden? Oh, well. He resumes twiddling his thumbs. However, it isn’t enough; Rapid can see the walls closing in, threatening to block him in on all sides and cause him to asphyxiate. He scoots up against the iron bars of his cell and faces outward, hoping the open hallway will convince his mind that he isn’t trapped. To his relief, Rapid feels himself growing calmer. He starts thinking about what went wrong with the plan to rescue this Brenda chick. Tackle had apparently taken matters into his own hands, so Reid gave Rapid new instructions over the radio, and…  
The rookie pauses. The radio! Can’t he get outside help? He should make sure the coast is clear, first. Looking down the hallway, Rapid doesn’t see anyone, so he hesitantly turns it on and contacts Tackle.

The Red leader stands guard on top of the base. He had given Brenda a few bucks in case she wanted Reid’s help again. Hopefully he didn’t up his charges.  
The sergeant jumps at the sound of static in his ear. “What the hell?” he mutters.  
“Tackle? Are you there?” a voice whispers.  
“I‘m here…” he answers uncertainly. “What‘s wrong, Reid?”  
“No, I’m Rapid. I-”  
“Rabid?!” Tackle shouts. “We thought you were dead!”  
“What? No, I’m alive!” the rookie says. “The Blues took me prisoner.”  
“Damn… unfortunately, I’m not sure how we’re gonna get you out of there, Rabid,” the sergeant says apologetically. “Brenda’s arm is broken, so we only have two soldiers.”  
“Oh God, please don’t leave me here,” Rapid pleads.  
“Don’t worry, Rabid,” Tackle assures him, “We’ll think of something.” He cuts the connection then raises his voice, “Reid! Reid, where are you?”  
The crimson soldier runs up to meet him. “Right here. What is it?”  
“I just finished talking to Rabid. He isn’t dead, he’s been captured by the Blues!”  
“Wow, really?” Reid feigns surprise. “I had no idea.”  
“We have to get him back… but there’s only the two of us,” Tackle says. “What are we going to do?”  
Reid thinks for a moment. “What if-”  
“Maybe we should consult Brenda,” the sergeant interrupts him, turning to go inside.  
“No, wait, Tackle,” Reid says, grabbing his arm. “I think I know what to do.”  
“That’s great! Let’s run it by Brenda just to be sure.”  
“We don’t have to,” the crimson soldier insists. “Listen: why don’t you just ask for Rapid back? It worked with her, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work again. And if they don‘t go for that, how about you draw their attention while I sneak inside the base like we did last time? We didn’t need Rapid for that, and it would have worked if she had actually been there.”  
Tackle ponders this. “…All right. I’ll listen to you this time, Reid. Let’s go save Rabid!”


	8. Insults to Injuries

The Red sergeant and his advisor replenish their ammo in preparation for the new mission. Before they leave, Tackle stops by Brenda’s room where she still lies in the same spot. She looks up at him.  
“Brenda, remember what Reid said about the rookie who died today?” he asks. She nods. “Well, he’s actually alive and has been captured by the Blues. Reid and I are going to go save him.”  
Brenda furrows her brow. “Just the two of you?”  
“Yeah.”  
She shakes her head. “No way. Let me go. I can help.”  
Tackle sighs. “Brenda, your arm is broken. You can’t go.”  
“Bullshit! I’m fine!” She rolls over, stands up out of bed, and starts walking over to her pile of pink armor. The sergeant puts a hand on Brenda’s shoulder to stop her.  
“No.” Tackle says sternly. “I don’t want to see you get hurt worse than you already have.”  
“Aw, come on, Tackle!” she whines. “Please? We could kick Shane’s ass together!”  
“No,” he repeats with finality. “That is an order.”  
“Damn it…” Brenda gets back in bed and glares at him. “You know, you weren’t always so bossy. What happened?”  
“I’ve had to make changes, Brenda,” Tackle says. “Leaders should be able to adapt. That means doing things you don‘t want to do, or making sacrifices. I don‘t want to change, but I have to, for the sake of the team. That‘s what being a leader is about.”  
“You were cooler when you weren’t my CO,” Brenda mumbles.  
“What? I‘m cool!” he protests. “I just know when I need to put my foot down. How about this: if I see Shane, I’ll fuck him up for you.”  
“Sure, but don’t kill him,” Brenda says. “He’s mine.”  
“Deal. Anyway, Reid and I are heading out,” Tackle tells her. “I’ll report back to you later.”  
“Okay… good luck, Tackle. Don‘t die, or I‘ll kill _you,”_ she threatens.  
He shoulders his rifle. “You won‘t have to worry about that.”

Carbon and Wilson stand on the roof and watch Shane walk across the front of the base. He turns the corner and continues walking around the side.  
“How many times is that again?” the aqua soldier asks.  
Wilson holds up one hand, palm open.  
“Jesus, five laps already? What’s gotten into him? I mean, I might expect this type of behavior from Evans, but Shane seemed pretty normal.”  
His violet companion shrugs.  
The rookie has been acting strange lately. Freaking out because he expected Evans to be logical, begging for praise after capturing a pathetic excuse for a soldier, and now walking in circles around the base, muttering to himself. Carbon wonders if Valhalla is cursed and whoever gets stationed here loses their mind. However, if that were the case, why wasn‘t he affected? He should keep an eye on himself, just to be safe, or at least have Wilson watch him.  
“Hey, Wilson,” Carbon says, “if I ever start acting weird, I want you to let me know. Okay?”  
The silent soldier nods, then taps his teammate‘s shoulder and points at him.  
“Ha, ha. Very funny.”  
“Hey, Blues!” Tackle yells from the trees in front of the base. “Come out here! I’ve got a question for you!”  
Carbon and Wilson share a look. “What do you think?” the aqua soldier asks. “Should I get Evans?”  
Wilson doesn’t answer him.  
“Ah, fuck it,” Carbon says before raising his voice. “Just a second!”  
“Take your time!” Tackle responds. “There’s no hurry!”  
Carbon turns to go inside the base and nearly runs into Shane. He jumps and takes a step back.  
“Holy crap, dude, don’t scare me like that!” he says. “When did you get up here?”  
“Just now. Let me handle this guy, Carbon.” Shane sounds like he won’t let the aqua soldier stop him.  
“Uh, okay…” Carbon says cautiously. “Go right ahead.” He slowly retreats into the base. The rookie is acting strangely, indeed.  
Shane stands at the edge of the roof and addresses Tackle, “I’ll talk to you from here, if you don’t mind. What do you want, Red?”  
“I just had a request: do you think you could release my man Rabid?” he asks. “I would-”  
The blue soldier opens fire, spraying the trees with bullets from above.  
“God damn it!” The sergeant takes cover and turns on his radio. “Reid, Plan B!”  
“Well, it was worth a shot,” the crimson soldier‘s response comes through. “I‘m going in!”  
On the roof, Wilson looks back-and-forth from Shane to the trees. He shrugs and takes aim as well.  
Carbon runs out of the base. “What the hell, I was only gone for like two seconds!”  
Evans follows him. “What’s all this racket?” Watching closely, the sapphire soldier spots Tackle returning Shane’s fire from behind a tree. “Oh, no,” he breathes. “Not again…”  
“I told you he would come back, you dumbass!” the blue rookie yells.  
Carbon looks at his leader. “Uh-oh…”  
Evans stands frozen, staring at the Red sergeant. The rifle in his hands starts shaking. “No… I trusted him… I trusted him! Why would he do this?! Why didn’t he stay away?! I can’t, I just… I can’t trust anyone! It was a trick! A fucking trick! Oh my God. Just when I try to let people in, they pull the fucking rug out from under me! I was right all along, I never should have listened to Shane, that goddamn traitor. He-”  
Bullets rip through Evans and he falls to the ground, his armor locking up.  
“Oh, shit!” Carbon crouches down, grabs Evans’s shoulders, and roughly drags him back into the base. Inside, he kneels and examines the Blue leader. “So much for putting trust in others,” he mutters. “Crap, this is bad…”

As the sounds of battle fill the air, Reid slips into the enemy base from the side. He lightly steps up to and peeks around the corner; no one. He continues down the hallway and returns to the cell that was once empty. Now, it is occupied by Rapid who sits next to the iron bars, looking jittery. The rookie perks up at the crimson soldier’s appearance.  
“You came back for me!” he cries.  
“Quiet!” Reid shushes him. He tries to open the cell door, finds it locked, and sighs. “Great. I assume you don’t know where the key is.”  
“Actually, it’s right behind you,” Rapid replies, pointing.  
Turning around, Reid sees a key dangling from a hook. “That’s kind of cruel, putting it directly across from the prisoner,” he remarks. Grabbing the key, he notices a piece of paper attached to the wall by a strip of tape.  
In attractive cursive handwriting, it reads: “Dear Evans, please do not remove this key. It does not allow access to your room, nor does it open anything other than this cell. You possess the only keys capable of releasing the locks on your door. This is simply a reminder should your memory lapse again. Sincerely, Blue Command.”  
“I didn’t know that Command cared enough to send you personal letters!” Rapid says. “I figured they dropped you off and never talked to you again, like they did with me.”  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t the only people in your life to do that,” Reid snarks. “Anyway, I doubt someone from Blue Command actually wrote this. I think everyone on the Blue Team is just insane.”  
Reid unlocks the cell and opens the door, releasing Rapid. The red rookie steps out and stretches. “So, how long have I been locked up? I passed out after you abandoned me, so I have no idea. It felt like days, though.”  
“Maybe a few hours.”  
“What?!” he exclaims. “No way!”  
“Seriously, be quiet,” Reid orders him harshly. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”  
“Oh, I get it.” Rapid lowers his voice. “Looks like the operation was successful, Agent Reid. Time to blow this joint.”  
“I should have broken your fucking radio.”  
The two of them hurry back down the hallway. They round the corner and see two Blues; the sapphire one lying on the ground and the aqua one standing over him. Without stopping, Reid shoots the latter in the gut, dropping him.  
“Son of a bitch!” Carbon shouts.  
The Reds keep running through the corridor and make it out of the Blue base.  
Breathing heavily, Reid activates his radio. “Tackle, we’re out! Let’s go!”  
“But I shot one of their guys and now it’s three-on-three!” he protests. “Let’s fuck ‘em up!”  
Reid decides not to tell the sergeant that he incapacitated someone as well. “No, that wasn’t the plan and Rapid isn‘t even armed! Let‘s get out of here!”  
Tackle groans. “Fine. Retreat!” he yells halfheartedly. Reid cuts the connection and starts heading towards Red base. Rapid lags slightly behind.  
The rookie speaks up, “…You didn’t tell him-”  
“I know I didn’t tell him,” the crimson soldier interrupts, “I want to get the fuck out of here. Let’s regroup back at the base and get you a weapon before anything else.”  
“What did you do with my gun after you took it, by the way?” Rapid asks.  
“Put it back in the armory,” Reid answers. “And Rapid, I have to ask, why are you so calm right now? Aren’t you pissed that I willingly gave you to the Blues?”  
“You came back in the end, and that’s all that matters to me!” he responds happily.  
“Only because Tackle found out you were alive. Jesus, how did you even get through basic?” Reid asks.  
“I faked it until I made it,” Rapid says. “That’s how I know that anything is possible with a little confidence!”  
“Right, like your hostile takeover of Red base. Speaking of which, has your leg healed up yet?” he asks seriously. Reid had done what he could back when it happened, but didn’t expect the rookie to fully recover; he hadn’t landed on his leg at the best angle after he fell off the roof of the base.  
“Yeah, I’m fine! Thanks for asking,” Rapid replies. Now that he mentioned it, however, Reid notices that the rookie has a slight limp when he walks. Nice; a hopefully permanent reminder of the crimson soldier’s first impression of Rapid. He certainly won’t be going anywhere _rapidly_ anytime soon.


	9. Perspective

After Evans was shot and unceremoniously dragged to safety by Carbon, Wilson had become worried. Given Shane’s unusual behavior as of late, the violet soldier feared what he would do next. For the moment, though, all he can do is continue providing suppressive fire for his blue teammate.  
“Damn it, I can’t get a good shot on him!” Shane says through his teeth, having missed with another burst.  
Wilson wonders if anyone on the Blue Team besides himself has ever actually hit their target before. He determines that it is unlikely.  
A solid minute passes with no change in the cycle; one soldier shoots, the other retaliates, repeat. Wilson holds back a yawn and considers aiming to kill their mauve enemy on the next go around. However, he and Shane are stunned when Tackle suddenly stops firing and retreats.  
“What the hell? Where’s he going?” the blue soldier asks.  
Wilson does not have an answer. The logic of Red Team has always eluded him. Why did they relent after eliminating Evans? Perhaps he was their primary target. Another possibility is that they are such a backwards team that they see an advantage as an active state of victory rather than a step toward it. Of course, Wilson does not truly believe that, but it is fun to theorize. Regardless of their reasoning, it was foolish of the Reds to fall back.  
Wilson suddenly realizes something; with Evans incapacitated, Shane may very well make a decisive play for the Blue leadership position that he has been pining for. He decides to go check on the wounded CO and, if need be, move him somewhere safe.   
While Shane scans the trees for any signs of further Red activity, Wilson silently reenters the base. It is here that he is faced with an alarming sight: Evans is not the only soldier lying on the floor. The Blue leader is joined by Carbon, and neither of them appear to be conscious. Wilson mouths an expletive, hurries over to the prisoner’s cell, and as he suspected, finds it vacant. The Reds had done it again. No point in worrying about it right now; there are more urgent issues at hand.

Returning to his fallen teammates, Wilson examines their injuries. Both of them took shots to the stomach and chest, Evans getting the worst of it. They need help, and fast. However, there is a big problem: Evans is the only member of Blue Team with any medical training. Wilson decides that instead of trying to become a self-taught battlefield medic within the next minute, he will hide the CO and Carbon in the former’s panic bunker. Thankfully, Evans’s door stands open; the leader always wanted his escape room readily accessible during battle, and having to get past his many locks would be too time-consuming.  
Moving quickly, the violet soldier drags Evans then Carbon into the leader’s room, stuffing both of them under the bed. Wilson has never been down there, but assumes there is a secret entrance leading to a bunker somewhere under the base. The Blue leader would not simply hide under his bed in a combat situation, would he? Besides, there is not enough time to figure out how to access the panic bunker.  
Wilson exits Evans’s room, shutting the door behind him. Moments later, Shane enters the base and looks around before approaching him.   
“Where are Evans and Carbon? Weren’t they just helping us fend off the Reds?” the blue soldier asks.   
His partner shrugs.  
Shane appears to be in deep thought. After several seconds, he speaks, “Wilson, I’m gonna be straight with you. We both know that Evans was a terrible CO; let’s just say he died in the fight if we find Carbon. In the meantime, how about I take charge? Everything will be infinitely better for the team as a whole because I have all the qualities of a true leader, and we won’t have to put up with that nutjob’s insane theories anymore. What do you say?”  
Wilson wonders how Shane did not notice that Evans was shot and then shuttled into the base by Carbon. He supposes that tunnel vision is a legitimate concern in combat. In response to the rookie’s request, he shrugs again. Let Shane do whatever he wants - Wilson already has an idea on how to put him in his place.  
He can almost see the smile through the blue soldier’s helmet. “Awesome. Just one more thing, Wilson: you always did what Evans asked without question. I would like to believe I can trust you to do the same for me.”  
Wilson nods as sarcastically as one can nod.  
“Great!” Shane turns and starts walking away, muttering to himself, “So, I’m the leader now… I guess I’ll check out the armory, stock up on ammo… or get a better weapon! The leader should have the _best_ weapon. That’s what I’ll do first.” His voice fades out of earshot.  
This is essentially what Wilson had worried would happen; Shane jumping on the opportunity to take Evans’s place. Based on how he had reacted to the violet soldier’s supposed acceptance of his leadership, it is clear that the rookie will not be able to hold up his promise of a better Blue Team. He may go mad with power, even. However, Wilson has a plan. He just needs a little help.


	10. Revelations

Reid and Rapid meet up with Tackle on the way back to Red base and together, they finish the home stretch. Upon returning, the soldiers see something strange; Brenda stands in front of the base, and she is wearing her armor.  
“Brenda?” Reid asks. “What the hell are you doing? Why are you-”  
She raises her left hand to stop him. “Okay, so I wanted to follow you guys, so I started putting on my armor, but my brace was in the way, so I took it off and got the rest of my armor on, but then my arm really hurt, so I just stayed at the base. Don‘t worry, I‘m fine.”  
Reid facepalms. “You idiot. You didn’t have to take all of your armor off in the first place, you know. Just the arm piece would have been fine.”  
“If you were gonna make me rest, I wanted to be comfortable,” Brenda reasons.  
“As punishment for removing your brace, I’m not going to apply another one.”  
“Hey, I just wanted to help!”  
“Yeah, give her some slack!” Tackle chimes in.  
“She didn’t even follow through with her original plan!” Reid protests. “She just ended up removing her brace for no reason!”  
“Guys, can we stop fighting?” Rapid speaks up. “Let’s just be cool, all right?”  
“Rabid has the right idea,” Tackle says. “We should all just-”  
“Wait a minute,” the red rookie interrupts him, “what did you just say?”  
There is a moment of silence. Despite his annoyance, Reid smiles - he has been looking forward to this.  
“Uh, I said that you had the right idea,” Tackle says uncertainly.  
“No, no, my name. What did you say my name was?”  
“Rabid.”  
“No, it’s _Rapid,”_ Rapid corrects him, “with a _P._ Have you been getting my name wrong this entire time?”  
“Wait,” Brenda says, “that doesn’t make any sense.”  
“Why not?”  
“I thought your name was Rabbit.”  
“What?!” Rapid exclaims. “No, it’s Rapid! _Rapid!”_  
“I might need some time to get used to that,” Tackle says. “I always thought it was Rabid, like a rabid dog.”  
“And I thought it was Rabbit, like a bunny!” Brenda says.  
“No!” Rapid stamps his foot and winces a little. “It’s Rapid, like _fast._ Not Rabid, not Rabbit, not anything else! Just Rapid. Okay?”  
“Jeez, okay,” the pink soldier says. “Sorry, I guess I misheard.”  
“I might still call you Rabid from time to time,” Tackle says apologetically. “Old habits die hard. I’ll try to remember, though.”  
Rapid turns to Reid. “How about you? What have you been calling me?”  
“Besides pathetic, I’ve always called you Rapid,” the crimson soldier answers honestly. “I didn’t correct the others, though; I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice.”  
“You’re such a jerk.”  
“You’re realizing a _lot_ of things today, aren’t you?”

Tackle and Brenda stand side by side on top of the Red base, keeping watch.  
He glances at her. “How’s your arm?”  
“It hurts, but whatever,” she says. “At least now I’m combat ready.”  
“…Besides one of your arms being broken?”  
“Yeah. Oh! I wanted to ask, did you see Shane?” Brenda asks curiously.  
Tackle thinks for a moment. “Which one was he again?”  
“The blue guy, huge asshole, you can’t miss him.”  
“You just described all of our enemies,” the sergeant notes.  
“Tackle!” Brenda scolds him playfully.  
“I did see a guy who was a darker shade of blue,” he says seriously. “Was that him?”  
“That’s him. Did you fuck him up?”  
“Oh, shit, sorry,” he apologizes. “I would’ve, but Reid insisted we return to the base after rescuing Rabid.”  
“Uh, I think it’s ‘Rapid,’” Brenda reminds him.  
“God damn it… I‘ll get it eventually.”  
“It kinda sucks that when I finally met the guy, he flipped out because everyone got his name wrong. I never even introduced myself!” Brenda says. “Anyway, it’s fine that you didn’t kill Shane. Like I said before, he’s mine.”  
Someone clears their throat. “Excuse me.”  
The two Reds turn toward the voice and see Wilson standing below them in front of the base.  
Tackle raises his rifle, but before he lets loose, the violet soldier calls out, “Ceasefire! I am not here to fight; rather, I have information for you.”  
“Wilson?” Brenda asks, stunned. “Why are you talking?”  
“Wait a second,” Tackle says, “isn’t he the asshole who shot you? Want me to take him out?”  
“No, not yet. I want to know why he’s talking.”  
“I speak if I feel that I need to speak,” Wilson says stiffly. “Now, would you like to know what I am here to tell you?”  
“Uh, sure.”  
“First of all, some introductions are in order. My name is Joseph Waterman, and I believe that you are Brenda.”  
“I am,” she affirms, then pauses. “Wait, I thought your name was Wilson?”  
“Joseph _Watermelon?”_ Tackle asks. “No wonder you go by Wilson.”  
“I did not introduce myself nor otherwise speak to my new teammates when I arrived in Valhalla, which was a mistake. They decided to call me Wilson,” the violet soldier explains.  
Brenda scoffs. “You’re fucking weird.”  
“I have spoken only in times of necessity for most of my life; I will not change for the soldiers in this army,” Wilson says. “However, this has resulted in an unsatisfactory work environment for myself. Carbon often treats me as though I were his pet dog.”  
“Are you going to get to the point?” Brenda asks. “I don’t care about your life story.”  
Wilson stares at her for a moment before responding, “Of course. Coincidentally, I happened to be on the topic of _dogs_ when you interrupted me. I have information that you would like to hear.”  
“Yeah, I know that. What is it?” she asks.  
“You are familiar with Shane, correct?”  
“The soon-to-be-dead guy? You’d be right.”  
“After Evans released you, Shane said, and I quote, ‘if that bitch ever comes around here again, I’m gonna snap her fucking neck with my bare hands. Threaten _me,_ huh? Try a little taste of your own medicine, bitch.’ End quote.” Wilson looks at Brenda and Tackle, the both of them trembling with anger. “How do you intend to respond to his threat?”


	11. Convergence

It’s blurry. Too dark. Lots of pain.  
As Carbon comes to, he isn’t greeted with the best of sensations. It feels like an alien is eating its way out of his stomach. What happened? He had saved Evans from future harm, then got shot inside the Blue base. Oh, crap, that‘s right: the Reds rescued their prisoner.  
Gradually, his vision focuses. Once he’s able to see clearly, though, his confusion isn’t lessened. Carbon finds himself on the dirty floor of what looks like a rundown laboratory. The room is metallic and rusted with a dim light overhead and large, blank monitors on the walls. Across from Carbon is a closed wooden door. What the hell is this place?  
The door opens and Evans emerges, his helmet in his hands. He doesn’t look well; his brown eyes are tired and his steps are staggered. Several questions run through Carbon’s mind. Wasn’t he shot? How is he up and moving? Since when was he bald? Carbon has seen Evans without his helmet in the past, but he used to have short, dark brown hair.  
“…Evans?” he groans.  
The Blue leader regards his injured soldier. “You’re awake.”  
“Yeah… where am I?”  
“We’re in the panic bunker.”  
Carbon’s confusion reaches new heights. “The panic - you mean we actually have a panic bunker?!”  
Evans looks at him quizzically. “Of course! How could you possibly forget?”  
“But…” Carbon doesn’t want to say that he thought Evans was just hiding under his bed this whole time.  
“No matter. We’re in here under strange circumstances,” he says. “I woke up next to you under my bed, both of us with grievous injuries. I had no memory of how we got there, but I can only assume that I saved us before we could be slain by the enemy. I got us both into the panic bunker and managed to patch myself up with my stash of medical supplies.”  
Carbon attempts to sit up, but moans and lies back down. “What about me? I don’t feel any better.”  
“Sorry, Carbon. I neglected you in favor of myself because let’s be honest, I take priority.”  
“Are you going to work on me now?”  
“No time,” Evans says. “I need to return to the surface, make sure the base is intact, and if I have to, kick out the Reds.”  
“What the hell? Can’t you numb me or something?!” Carbon cries as his commander walks away. When he gets no response, his curiosity gets the better of him and he calls out, “Why are you bald?!”  
“Assassination lice!” Evans leaves the room, putting on his helmet.  
On the way to the exit, he stops in front of a large, old locker and opens it, revealing an array of weapons big and small. Standing upright in the middle is a rocket launcher. Evans grabs it, murmuring, “I may as well be prepared.”

Inside the Red base, Reid sits on the edge of his bed, relaxing. He cherishes this moment of peace, for he knows that it cannot last.  
Rapid strolls into the room. “Hey, Reid!”  
The crimson soldier sighs, but Rapid’s appearance was fully expected. The rookie is like a lost puppy, always following Reid wherever he goes and being too stupid to realize that he isn’t wanted. “What do you want?”  
“I’m just checking on you. Whatcha broodin’ about?” he asks.  
“I wasn’t brooding, I was enjoying some time to myself,” Reid says. “What makes you think I was brooding?”  
“You just looked so serious, sitting there.”  
“You can’t even see my face.”  
“I don’t need to see your face; I wouldn’t be a Theatre major if I didn’t know that body language was everything!” Rapid proclaims.  
Reid shakes his head. “You get more pathetic with every word you say.”  
“Seriously, what were you thinking about?” the rookie asks.  
“Nothing.”  
Rapid clicks his tongue. “‘Nothing’ means ‘something’ when you say it like that.”  
“No, I really wasn’t thinking of anything,” Reid insists. “I was relaxing when you decided to enter my room unannounced.”  
“I didn’t enter your room unannounced,” Rapid replies with mock offense. “I said ‘Hey, Reid,’ didn’t I?”  
“You were already in my room when you said that.”  
“But I announced myself, right?”  
“I’m done with this conversation, get the fuck out of my room.”  
“But-”  
_“Go.”_  
Rapid gives a disappointed huff and turns to leave, but Tackle and Brenda stand in the doorway.  
“Hey, guys, can you move?” Reid asks. “Rapid was just leaving.”  
“We have something to tell the both of you, so he might as well stay,” Tackle says.  
Reid groans. “Jesus Christ… fine. So, what is it? Are you two finally making it official?”  
“Huh? What the hell are you talking about?!” the sergeant splutters.  
Brenda steps forward. When she speaks, her voice is low. “No. Shane has crossed the line. Not only did he call me a bitch _two more times,_ but he claimed he would snap my neck if he saw me again. No one, _no one,_ says that to me. That’s _my_ thing. He should get his own fucking thing. Tackle and I are going to kill him today. Are you in?”  
Reid almost says something about her not being able to take what she dishes out, but stops himself. He has never seen her so angry. Not even the time that he had accidentally used one of her special ‘ninja knives’ to spread butter on toast. He almost forgets that her arm is broken.  
“I’m in.” Reid isn’t actually ‘in,’ but he doesn’t want to miss whatever is about to go down.  
“What about me?” Rapid asks. “Can I go?”  
Before the others can speak, Reid takes the opportunity he has been given. “No, you should stay here. We need someone to guard the base.”  
“Aw, really?”  
“This is an important job,” the crimson soldier maintains. “If no one’s here, what’s to stop someone from just showing up and taking the place for themselves?”  
“You’re right,” Rapid agrees. “I’ll do it!”  
Reid frowns. At first he thought the rookie was choosing to ignore his snide remarks, but now he thinks Rapid may truly be oblivious.  
“Good thinking, Reid,” Tackle says. “Let me just quickly run that by Brenda, though. Brenda?”  
“Sure, whatever,” she says impatiently. “Are we ready to go?”  
“I’m ready when you are,” Reid replies.

Everyone collects their weapons in preparation for the mission. Rapid stands at attention on top of the base while the other Reds gather out front. Looking up at the rookie, Reid remembers shooting him in the leg and smiles. Good times. Suddenly, something occurs to him.  
Reid turns to Brenda. “Hey, when did Shane say those things to you?”  
“He didn’t say them, like, directly to me, but Wilson told me that‘s what he said after I left,” she answers.  
“Wilson… is that the purple guy?”  
“Yeah.”  
“…The enemy?”  
“If Shane’s talking shit, I don’t care who tells me, I want to know,” Brenda says.  
“All I’m saying is I don’t think you should be so quick to trust a Blue,” Reid reasons.  
“It doesn’t matter,” Tackle speaks up. “Shane’s ass-kicking has been put off for too long! No one talks to Brenda like that and gets away with it!”  
Reid doesn’t bother responding; he won’t be able to get through to either of them given their enragement.  
“Now, before we go, I want to make one thing absolutely clear,” Brenda announces to her two teammates, her tone authoritative. “Feel free to kick Shane’s ass and all that, but _I_ deliver the killing blow. Got that?”  
Tackle and Reid nod.  
“Then let’s go.”


	12. Time to Shine

Rapid watches the other Reds go from atop the base. He would normally be wistful during these times where he gets excluded from social occasions, but not today. Reid had made a good point in that someone should guard the base, and Rapid had been entrusted with that duty. He would defend this base like a soldier defends his country. The rookie stands up straight, faces directly forward, and holds his rifle at his side.  
…  
This is boring. How long has it been? Long enough. Rapid relaxes his stance, using his gun as a crutch. Hopefully the others get back soon; he doesn’t know how much longer he can wait without going crazy.  
Rapid thinks about his teammates. Has he made good first impressions on them? He would say so. Reid can be kind of a jerk to him, but the rookie knows that it’s all in good fun and he enjoys their friendly banter. Sergeant Tackle seems like a no-nonsense kind of guy, but still pretty nice, though he keeps getting Rapid‘s name wrong. Brenda… Rapid doesn’t actually know much about her besides that she also got his name wrong, and like him, she used to be the Blues’ prisoner. He should hang out with her when everyone gets back. Maybe they can bond over a surprise shared love of acting! Brenda had been intimidating in the base earlier; Rapid can totally see her starring in an action movie as a vengeful hero dead-set on giving the evildoer Shane what‘s coming to him.  
Pain suddenly flares in his bad leg, and Rapid tumbles off the roof to the ground for the second time since arriving at Red base.  
“Ow, fuck!” He struggles to his feet and leans heavily against the base. Who shot him? Scanning the trees, he doesn’t see the perpetrator. Rapid starts to suspect that Reid is messing with him when a purple blur fills his vision. Before the rookie can react, a blow to the head lays him out.  
As Wilson looks down at the unconscious soldier, he cannot help but shake his head in disgust. While hiding near the Red base, he could not believe that they had sent all but one of their soldiers after Shane, and the soldier they had left standing guard was _the pathetic one._ He has said it before and will say it again (not aloud, of course, but rather through internal monologue): the logic of Red Team has always eluded him. Wilson enters the enemy base.

On the other side of Valhalla, the Blue base is eerily quiet. Evans has tiptoed throughout its entirety and found no sign of Red inhabitance. He fidgets nervously; he just wants the pin to finally drop. Where are the assassins that should have been lying in wait? Why hasn’t anyone tried to kill him in the last minute? This is highly unusual.  
Evans steps outside and surveys the area, again finding nothing. It seems that everyone is gone. Even Wilson, who isn’t standing next to the door as he typically does. But why would everyone leave? Evans tries to work it out in his head, and it isn’t long before he arrives at the most logical explanation: everyone has evacuated because the base is going to explode in the immediate future! It’s too late to save Carbon, he needs to get out of here before-  
“Hello, Evans.”  
The sapphire soldier turns around to see Shane looking down at him from the roof of the base. The rookie is quite heavily armed; there is a sniper rifle strapped to his back, several grenades on his belt, and in his hands, a rocket launcher aimed right at the Blue leader.  
It appears that Evans was wrong in his initial assessment of the situation. He connects the pieces of this puzzle and comes to the true conclusion: Shane is killing everyone in Valhalla, and now it’s his turn.  
“What are you doing, Shane?” Evans asks, raising his own rocket launcher. Speaking casually with someone while you train explosives on each other is a new experience to him.  
“Well, you see, Wilson and I were talking, and we decided that you aren’t fit to lead the Blue Team,” Shane explains. “However, _I_ am. So, with that-”  
“You son of a bitch!” Evans releases a rocket and Shane dives to the side, the smoke trail signifying an alarmingly close call. “Conniving with Wilson in an attempt to overthrow me? Good fucking luck! He hasn‘t been able to get me in _years!”_  
The rookie rises to his feet and Evans can feel his glare. “Oh, do you wanna fight? Let’s fucking go, right now. The winner leads Blue Team.”  
“You finally reveal your true colors!” the CO exclaims. “You’re no Blue… you’re a _Red.”_  
Shane sighs. “I can‘t be Red. You trusted the Reds more than you ever trusted me.”  
“That’s because you could be a spy!”  
“Oh, just shut the fuck up!” Shane simultaneously jumps off the roof and fires a rocket down at Evans. The sapphire soldier tries to roll aside, but is still caught by the blast and sent careening into a tree. Shane lands on the ground, reloads, and begins approaching his target.  
Evans uses the tree to pull himself to his feet, sees the rookie coming towards him, and growls. The rocket launcher takes too long to reload; he drops it, grabs his holstered pistol, and starts shooting. Surprised by the sudden gunfire, Shane lets another rocket fly and runs for cover, but a bullet nicks his hand and he drops his launcher. He trips over the fallen weapon and lands face first, his head bouncing against the ground.  
Mustering up his energy, Evans leaps out of the rocket’s path. It soars past him and explodes somewhere in the distance. He quickly looks back to Shane, sees him lying prone, and knows that this is his chance. He raises his pistol and carefully aims it at the rookie’s head. _"Remember what Shane said,"_ he tells himself while lining up the shot. _"…Actually, I shouldn’t do that. The gun would probably combust in my hands."_  
Suddenly, a loud whistle echoes throughout the area.  
“Oh, God, not now!” Evans cries. He bolts into the Blue base without another thought.  
Dazed, Shane looks up from his position on the ground and is faced with a startling sight; the Reds are coming, and they’re staring straight at him.


	13. Snap Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, potential readers! Sad to say, this fic isn't going to be updated very often, if at all. I've mostly lost interest and started writing other stuff. I may come back to it from time-to-time, though.

Shane shakes his head and clambers to his feet. He quickly assesses the situation: the Reds are approaching rapidly with Brenda leading the pack. Evans is gone. Shane’s rocket launcher is on the ground next to him, but it isn’t loaded. He needs to get to cover ASAP. He takes a grenade from his belt, pulls the pin, and tosses it at the opposing team. While the Reds disperse, Shane withdraws into the trees and grabs the sniper rifle off his back. This will be a true testament to his proficiency as a leader; holding off an enemy invasion while his teammates are nowhere to be found. Such a feat will show that he can be relied on in battle, unlike that idiot Evans.

Brenda runs across the front of the Blue base and fires her pistol at Shane, aiming low so as not to immediately kill him… and to potentially shoot his dick off. The blue soldier ducks down behind a tree and peers around the other side. Tackle has taken up position on the side of the base, cutting off an escape in that direction. Shane could run away toward Red base, but what kind of leader would he be then? Meanwhile, Reid sits in a red folding chair on the sidelines (did he bring that with him?), observing the fight with a pair of binoculars. It doesn’t look like he’s going to participate, which is completely fine with Shane.

“Come on out and play!” Brenda yells, pausing to reload. The blue soldier takes this opportunity to lob a flashbang into the open. It detonates and Brenda’s vision instantly goes white.   
“Oh, crap…” Ears ringing, she looks around frantically, but can‘t see a thing. Next to the base, Tackle screams in pain and hurriedly retreats, clutching the sides of his helmet. That’s surprising - Shane didn’t think the flashbang was close enough to have affected him, but it’s certainly a welcome turn of events. Shane holds up his sniper rifle and peers through the scope.

“Brenda!” Reid calls out from his seat. “Evasive maneuvers!”  
She blindly dives forward and rolls into a crouching position, a shot whizzing past her head. As her vision starts to return, it fades from white to red when she sees that Shane has abandoned his cover and is running to face her in close quarters. Brenda rises to meet him, letting her pistol fall to the ground; this is personal.

Shane puts away his sniper rifle and as he gets closer, draws a large knife. Brenda produces a knife of her own and gets into a battle stance, radiating confidence. She is a ninja: she was born for this.

Her opponent lunges forward and Brenda sidesteps the stab. She slices downward, but Shane is quick to block it with his own blade. He kicks her legs out from under her and she falls onto her back. As Shane moves in, Brenda kicks up and catches him in the chin, causing him to stumble back. She scrambles to her feet and registers an important detail; Shane isn’t close enough for her to capitalize before he recovers, so instead of charging, Brenda flips her knife upside down and swiftly throws it. Shane raises his arms protectively, but not before the blade has stuck itself in his chest.

Shane gasps and falls to his knees. He pulls the knife out of himself as Brenda comes closer and feebly swings it at her, but she dodges and delivers a brutal kick to the face that knocks his helmet off. The mousey-looking face underneath is filled with pain, anger, and possibly fear as he watches Brenda approach. Standing before Shane, she slaps him with enough force to turn him around.

“This is it, you asshole,” Brenda says, grabbing his head with both hands. “Payback’s a bitch, and I am _not!”_ With a vicious jerk and a sickening snap, Shane’s body falls limply to the ground. Brenda immediately screams in agony and follows suit.  
From his chair, Reid winces and sets down his binoculars. “Damn, she must have forgotten that her arm was broken. Nice one-liner, though.”

Reid surveys the area. Tackle is running around in circles with his hands on his head, yelling mindlessly. Brenda is in a heap on the ground, also yelling mindlessly. Finally, Shane is presumably dead after a neck-snap that shouldn’t have been physically possible. The crimson soldier sighs; of course he’s left to clean up the aftermath. He should have stayed back at the base… wait, Rapid is at the base. On second thought, Reid doesn’t mind his present situation.

Brenda shakily climbs to her feet. “Reid!” she calls out.  
“Yeah?”  
“My arm is broken!”  
“I know, you dumbass! I put it in a fucking brace!”  
She stumbles over to Reid and sees Tackle. “Oh my God! We have to get Tackle out of here! Come on, we’re going back!”  
Reid stares at her, dumbfounded. “Back to Red base? We’re about to win!”  
“Who cares? Tackle is hurt!”  
She puts her good arm around the sergeant and hurriedly retreats. With a frustrated sigh, Reid picks up his folding chair and follows them. It’s no wonder they never accomplish anything in this war, they always run away when they’re on the cusp of victory.

A short time after the Reds had retreated, Wilson runs up to the Blue base with the Red flag in his hands. He comes to a stop and takes in the scene; there are blast marks on the ground, bullet holes in the walls, and a blue soldier lying dead in front of him. Indeed, it was evident that Wilson had triggered an exciting turn of events. Everything had worked out quite well, in fact. The death of Shane allows for what Evans would likely refer to as a ‘return to the status quo’, and of course, Wilson has obtained the Red flag. He isn’t sure what exactly this entails, but it must be a good thing. Why else would it be their primary objective?

For the second time today, Wilson shakes his head as he looks down at an unresponsive rookie. Truly, Shane had been an insane individual. Only a lunatic would want to lead this godforsaken team.


End file.
